Healing from Betrayal: How to Reclaim Yourself After Betrayal
By Vanessa Cardenas, Betrayal Recovery Specialist
Serving Westchester, NYC, and the Surrounding Region in person, worldwide via Zoom
Being betrayed by my beloved made me very critical of my own body. For months, I couldn’t even look in a mirror, as I would rip myself to shreds.
During the reprieves from the intrusive thoughts and mental pictures, which I over-romanticized, I was obsessing about my features, especially my hands. I thought about aging, how women doubt themselves as they get older, society's lack of acceptance of women at different ages, social media, and the ease by which sexual content is readily available, and how women are exploited to exploit men.
Rebuilding Trust and Seeking Support
After months of laying on my bedroom floor, lifeless, in a puddle of snot and tears. It wasn't until I finally relented and begged God, Source, Spirit to give me a repreive from the hole in my heart as I "bled" out. Like a thunderbolt I heard it,
"help someone".
"umm, you misunderstood me, I NEED the help"
Again, "help someone"
Now I was angry, "No, no, no, you are not hearing me, I need help"
Third time, "You have to help someone else"
Begrungenly. I agreed. And I spelt for 5 hours (I hadn't slept more than 2 hours at a clip). I woke from my daze a bit better, 1% in fact, and that was glorious.
When you study to teach it to someone else you learn it differently, intentionally, not passively.
I found a support group and became the unofficial ambassador for the other 11 hurting souls. Although I was instructed to help someone else, I helped 11 others.
Diving headfirst into rebuilding relationship trust, with the help of marriage counseling, therapy, CSAT, EMDR, and coaches, and absorbing all the wisdom of the great authors on betrayal, my healing began to emerge.
My rage, fear, shame, self-doubt, anxiety, and everything else I was feeling dissipated, with profound hope taking its place.
I reclaimed myself, feeling empowered and resilient.
Embracing Authenticity and Self-Acceptance
I wanted to capture that moment in time—a visual reminder of my authentic self. It was important for me to highlight that a woman of my age could be beautifully photographed—and with her clothes on.
This portrait, specifically through a mirror, reminds me of who I truly am.
Encouraging Others to Seek Support
I encourage you to reach out for support, whether that’s a religious leader, a marriage counselor, a therapist to dig through your past, or a relationship coach to help you see the future. Reach out for support to work through all of the feelings that you have, because there are and will be many along your journey. It's time to reclaim yourself.
Final Thoughts and Offer of Help
Healing from betrayal is one of the hardest journeys you’ll ever take, but you don’t have to take it alone. Whether you’re just starting to pick up the pieces or searching for clarity, there’s a path forward that leads to healing, growth, and rediscovery of your strength.
To support you on this journey, I’ve created resources designed to meet you where you are:
Read: Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partner’s Betrayal — a compassionate guide filled with insights and actionable steps. Also available on Amazon for your convenience.
Learn: Overcome the Devastation of Betrayal: 7-Day Course — a self-paced program to help you regain your footing and find peace.
Connect: Schedule a one-on-one coaching session with me for personalized guidance tailored to your unique journey.
Your story doesn’t end with betrayal — it begins with your decision to rise. If you’re ready to take that first step, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. You’re not alone, and healing is possible.
Next one: 10 Crucial Reasons to Hire (or Not to Hire) a Relationship Coach After Betrayal
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