Finding the Silver Lining in Betrayal: Lessons Learned

By Vanessa Cardenas, Betrayal Recovery Specialist Serving Westchester, NYC, and the Surrounding Region

Seeing the Good in Betrayal

How might I? ~ how might I? ~ how might I see the good in my whole world shattering with three words? ("I've met someone.")

I asked this often. Even in counseling, years ago, I contemplated and lamented to our marriage therapist that I MUST be going through all this gut-wrenching pain and sorrow of betrayal for a reason.

Searching for Meaning

A reason, at the time, wasn’t presenting itself, but for as long as I can remember, I always thought this way…things happened (to me) for a reason. Something better would be around the corner.

Sometimes, it was a whisper or a nudge. This time it was a shove down a flight of stairs (felt more like off a skyscraper roof).

Struggling to Find Clarity

And this time, rather than being patient, as I always waited for the reason to present itself, I strained to see it. I tried to clear my mind of all the intrusive thoughts and images. I struggled. Why wasn’t it presenting itself? Doubt crept in, but I knew in my bones the reason was there, waiting to be unearthed.

Of course, when I wasn’t straining and looking, it appeared before me. She looked right into my eyes, and what was to be a 10-minute meet-and-greet turned into 90 minutes of profound wisdom. She picked at it, tugged, pushed, and pulled until I let go—and gave birth.

Discovering Purpose and Mission

It was born. My purpose. My mission.

My healing heart sang. My mood lifted. My energy soared.

There it was. I went through betrayal years ago so I could lead others through it. I’ve been through my own personal hell. I walked out of the flames carrying buckets of water for those still consumed by the fire.

Embracing Healing and Clarity

Today, I own my betrayal, no longer consumed by fear, shame, rage or sadness. I have clarity. I found my authentic self.

Now, I have the privilege of helping others all over the world to break free from negative self-beliefs, build confidence in themselves, and find direction in the dark. Lessons were learned.

Offering Guidance and Support

I have been where you are, and I am on the other side with a map and a flashlight. Together, we will get you through.

Quote: “Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.”

• Brené Brown

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