I Paid for Healing and Got Hurt Again: The Hidden Cost of False Betrayal Recovery Programs

by Vanessa Cardenas, Betrayal Recovery Specialist Serving Westchester, NYC, and the Surrounding Region

“What would you have done differently?"

Are you asking if I have regrets? A boatload of them.

I waited too long. I trusted the wrong people. I got taken advantage of at my most vulnerable moment.

And I’m sharing this today so that you don’t make the same mistakes I did.

Top 3 Mistakes to Avoid When Starting Your Betrayal Recovery Journey

When I first discovered betrayal in my marriage, I did what so many people do:

I turned to Facebook groups, hoping to find support.

I isolated myself, convinced there was something wrong with me.

I hesitated to ask for help, because I didn’t know who to trust.

1. I Lingered in Facebook Groups That Made Me Feel Worse

At first, the groups seemed like a safe place. They were full of women who had been through the same pain.

But soon, I noticed something troubling: there was no room for uncertainty.

If I expressed doubt about leaving, I was guilted.
If I considered staying, I was shamed.
If I changed my mind? I was betraying the “sisterhood.”

Instead of clarity, I felt even more confused and ashamed.

2. I Stayed Silent, Thinking I Was the Problem

I thought my pain meant something was wrong with me.
That my struggle meant I was weak.

I didn’t tell my friends.
I didn’t seek guidance.
I just… stayed stuck.

3. And When I Finally Asked for Help? I Got Scammed.

By the time I was desperate enough to pay for help, I wasn’t thinking clearly.

Late one night, I bought a 26-week program that promised to fix my life. Slick marketing, big promises, and a charismatic leader who claimed to have all the answers.

The cost?
An obscene amount of money.

The results?
A three-card monte with my emotions.

The False Healing Program That Made My Trauma Worse

At first, I wanted to believe it was working.

Week after week, I kept showing up.
I kept trying to “trust the process.”
I kept ignoring the sinking feeling that… something wasn’t right.

And then came the big moment.

I paid extra for an outrageously expensive one-on-one with the so-called “guru” to finally learn the "secret" to healing.

They spent an hour making me feel worthless.
They told me I wasn’t working hard enough.
That I was the reason I wasn’t healing.

And then came the aggressive pitch:

“You need the VIP package.”
“You’re just not trying hard enough.”
“Everyone else is making progress, why aren’t you?”

I walked away in tears.

And by the time I realized what had happened?
They had strung me along just long enough that I couldn’t dispute the charges.

The Moment I Realized I Was Being Betrayed Again

Here’s what I later found out:

Most of the group? They weren’t real.

They were actors.
Their job was to convince people like me that the program worked.

They cheered me and the only other two real participants on.
They reassured us: "It works if you work it."
They pushed us to keep paying, keep believing, keep trying.

But the three of us connected outside the group, even though that was "forbidden."

Why? Because if we compared notes, we’d catch on.

And we did.

We were each duped.

That middle-of-the-night purchase led me down a path just as manipulative as the betrayals I was already trying to recover from.

And I realized something that changed everything:

I wasn’t broken. The program was.

What I’d Tell Myself If I Could Go Back

If you’re in the early stages of healing from betrayal, please learn from my mistakes.

1. You don’t have to suffer alone.

The right support exists, you just have to find it.

2. Vet, vet, vet.

Do your research. No one has all the answers.
Healing is uncomfortable, but a true guide sits in the muck with you, not above you.

3. Trust your gut.

If something feels wrong? It probably is.

My Approach to Healing After Infidelity: Honest, Trauma-Informed, and Real

Now, I am the person I once needed.

Since 2017, I’ve supported individuals and couples across Westchester County, NYC, and beyond with betrayal recovery that centers dignity, clarity, and self-trust.

I’ve worked alongside incredible coaches and therapists who restored my faith in what real healing can look like.

No gimmicks.
No false promises.
Just support that respects your pace, your story, and your autonomy.

Looking for Betrayal Recovery Support That’s Real?

If you’re searching for betrayal recovery coaching in NYC or relationship support in Westchester County, here’s where to begin:

✔️ Book a one-on-one session — for betrayal recovery coaching in Westchester or online
✔️ Download my free ebook — Your Roadmap to Betrayal Recovery
✔️ Email me directly — I read every message

What About You?

Have you ever fallen for a program that didn’t deliver?
What do you wish someone had told you at the start of your healing?

And if this helped, consider subscribing. I send out honest, actionable guidance for rebuilding trust, emotional recalibration, and betrayal recovery without manipulation.

With care,

Vanessa Cardenas
Relationship Reset Expert | Betrayal Recovery Specialist
Serving Westchester County, NYC, and the surrounding region
www.UnderstandingEar.com

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