5 Narcissistic Tactics That Keep Women Stuck (and How to Break Free)

By Vanessa Cardenas | Relationship Recovery Expert
Helping couples and individuals heal, reconnect, and thrive after relationship challenges

When Love Isn’t Really Love

Most of the time, my work focuses on helping couples heal and restore their relationship. But not every relationship is safe or sustainable.

I am careful with labels because they can feel limiting and stifling. Still, narcissism is real, and when it appears in a relationship, it must be faced directly.

As a coach, I provide support, clarity, and tools for healing. In cases where a deeper psychological condition is involved, I refer clients to a therapist. There is strength in having the right kind of support at the right time.

With that in mind, here are five common tactics narcissistic men use to gain control over strong women. These patterns may happen in any dynamic, but the stories I hear most often are from women navigating these experiences.

1. Love Bombing – the Hook

He comes on fast, speaking of soulmates, big promises, and mirroring your dreams as if he were your perfect match. Once you are invested, the compliments fade, and control begins to creep in. He did not fall in love with you; he studied you.

2. Gaslighting – the Twist

He rewrites history, mocks your memory, and calls you “too sensitive.” You know what happened, but he denies and deflects. His aim is to make you doubt yourself so he can control the story.

3. Triangulation – the Game

He pulls in an ex, a “friend,” or a woman in his phone. The purpose is not genuine interest in another person, but to keep you competing. Your jealousy and insecurity give him a sense of power.

4. Playing the Victim – the Flip

When you confront him, he shifts into tears, blames his past, or insists you “triggered” him. Suddenly, you feel like the abuser. This tactic keeps you caring for him while he continues to tear you down.

5. Blame Shifting – the Escape

He lies, cheats, or yells, but when you call him out, you become “crazy,” “controlling,” or “disrespectful.” The story is twisted until you carry the responsibility he refuses to face.

The Bottom Line

A narcissist does not seek partnership. He seeks control.
Love bombing hooks you. Gaslighting confuses you. Triangulation destabilizes you. Playing the victim traps you. Blame shifting silences you.

This is not love. It is control wrapped in charm.

You are not broken, and you are not imagining things.
You are being conditioned.
When it is safe, choose no contact.
Freedom and peace are waiting for you.

What You Can Do Next

• Rebuild trust in yourself. Healing begins when you learn to trust your instincts again.

• Seek safe support. A therapist can address trauma symptoms. Coaching can guide you as you reclaim your voice and power.

• Protect your peace. Boundaries are not selfish. They are essential.

Ready to regain your strength and clarity?
Discover the HOPE Roadmap (Hold On, Pain Ends), a proven path to restore trust in yourself and create lasting peace.

Schedule an Initial Foundation Session and take your first step toward freedom and healing.

Vanessa Cardenas | Relationship Recovery Expert
Helping individuals and couples heal, reconnect, and thrive after relationship challenges.