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5 Signs of a Disastrous First Date (#2 is Scary)

February 25, 20233 min read

By Vanessa Cardenas, Betrayal Recovery Specialist

Serving Westchester, NYC, and the Surrounding Region in person, worldwide via Zoom

First dates can be both thrilling and nerve-wracking as you embark on a journey to get to know someone new, especially after betrayal, when you might still be reeling from the aftershocks. However, not all first dates are destined to be successful. In fact, some encounters can quickly turn into disasters, leaving you with a sinking feeling in your gut. Here are five warning signs that indicate a disastrous first date, with the second sign being particularly unsettling. By being aware of these signs, you can better navigate the dating scene and potentially avoid uncomfortable or even dangerous situations.

Lack of Respect and Basic Manners

One of the earliest indicators of a disastrous first date is the absence of respect and basic manners. If your date is consistently rude to waitstaff, dismisses your opinions, or displays a lack of consideration towards others, it's a major red flag. Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if it's absent from the start, it's unlikely to improve in the future.

Unsettling Behavior or Red Flags

This sign is not just disastrous but also downright scary. Pay attention to any unsettling behavior exhibited by your date. This can include excessive aggression, possessiveness, or controlling tendencies. If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, trust your instincts and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible. Your safety should always be the top priority.

Constant Self-Centeredness

A self-centered date can quickly turn a potentially enjoyable experience into a disastrous one. If your date spends the entire time talking about themselves without showing genuine interest in getting to know you, it's a clear sign of a lack of compatibility. Healthy conversations involve a balance of sharing and active listening. If your date fails to engage with you and displays self-absorption, it's likely a warning of a problematic dynamic.

Poor Communication and Listening Skills

Effective communication is vital in any relationship, and a first date is no exception. If your date consistently interrupts or fails to listen attentively, it indicates a lack of interest or respect. A disastrous first date often involves one-sided conversations where your thoughts and feelings are disregarded. Healthy connections require mutual engagement and genuine curiosity about each other's lives.

Misaligned Values and Goals

While it's not necessary for both individuals to have identical beliefs, a complete mismatch of values and goals can be a sign of a disastrous first date. If you find yourselves constantly disagreeing on fundamental topics or realizing that your long-term aspirations are entirely incompatible, it's unlikely that a strong foundation for a relationship can be established. Recognize these misalignments early on to save yourself from future disappointment and heartache.

Final Thought:

First dates can sometimes go awry, but by recognizing these five signs of a disastrous encounter, you can protect yourself from unnecessary pain and frustration. Remember, a healthy and fulfilling, responsible relationship should be built on respect, mutual understanding, and shared values. Trust your instincts, be true to yourself, and don't settle for less than you deserve. With each experience, you gain valuable insights that bring you one step closer to finding the right person who will make your heart skip a beat in all the right ways.


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Vanessa Cardenas | Betrayal Recovery Specialist | Relationship Coach | Author | Speaker | Writer

I believe self-love and self-trust can be reignited, even after the most devastating betrayals. As a Betrayal Recovery Specialist, relationship coach, and C-suite Executive with over 20 years of experience, I combine personal insights with professional expertise to guide others through healing and empowerment. Certified by the Post-Betrayal Transformation Institute and in various coaching disciplines, I’m dedicated to helping you live life with purpose and intention. Explore my website to learn more about my journey and how I can support you on yours.

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Vanessa Cardenas, professional Betrayal Recovery Specialist, offering services in Westchester County, near 10566, 10524, and The Atrium at Charles Point.
Vanessa Cardenas, Betrayal Recovery Specialist based in Westchester County, serving clients in 10566, 10524, 10514, 10510, 10591, 10520, and surrounding areas.

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