Bargaining in the Depths of Discovery of Betrayal

By Vanessa Cardenas, Betrayal Recovery Specialist, Relationship Coach

Serving Westchester, NYC, and the Hudson Valley Region in person, worldwide via Zoom

The Mind Game of Bargaining

There are times on this healing journey through intimate partner betrayal when you will wonder if you could have been more loving, more sexy, more fun, or more understanding. More forgiving. That practice is called bargaining. Mm-hmm. This is the mind game of all mind games, as you, the betrayed, will rack your brain trying to rationalize how it's possible that you somehow made your partner cheat on you.

I'll let you process that for a moment.

The Unbalanced Equation

It's like you are constantly trying to balance an unbalanced equation, and you still cannot wrap your mind around it. You ask yourself, Did you show enough affection? Did you consider them enough? Could you have been better in bed? Or what if you didn't do that thing that annoyed the crap out of your partner so much, even one less time, would it have altered the course of history between the two of you?

Countless Simulations

You will run countless simulations in your head of how you could have done all sorts of things differently to perhaps bring out a different outcome, only to be faced with the damning reality that you'll never know if it would have been any better anyway.

The Futility of Bargaining

But here's the mind game of all mind games: You continue to run through the scenarios anyway. You can't bargain with betrayal because it never makes sense.

Acceptance and Self-Compassion

The next time you're feeling tempted to bargain, just remember that you've already given everything you had and he still betrayed you. You aren't to blame because you didn't know that he didn't know how to control himself.

It's not your fault.

Final Thoughts

Healing from betrayal is a challenging journey, but it is possible. As a betrayal recovery specialist, I understand the complexities and emotional turmoil that come with this experience. Through supportive coaching and reflective practices in coaching, I provide a nonjudgmental coaching space where you can explore your feelings and begin to heal. My goal is to help you overcome self-sabotage, rebuild trust, and find fulfillment and purpose. If you're in Westchester, NYC, or the Hudson Valley region, reach out for in person relationship coaching and emotional healing, otherwise, Zoom sessions are available. Remember, it's not your fault, and you don't have to go through this alone.

Next one: 10 Crucial Reasons to Hire (or Not to Hire) a Relationship Coach After Betrayal

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