You’ve decided something needs to change. Here’s what happens next.
You do not need to arrive knowing exactly what is wrong with your relationship or what the answer should be.
You may know that the same conversations keep happening. That trust has changed. That you have become emotionally or physically disconnected. Or that something happened and neither of you knows how to move forward from it.
The first step is not deciding the future of your relationship. It is understanding what is happening between you now.
In-person Relationship Reset coaching in Peekskill, NY, serving Westchester County and the Hudson Valley. Virtual sessions are available for local clients when getting to the office isn't practical.
We start with the relationship you are actually in.
You may come in thinking you already know what the problem is. The betrayal. The lack of sex. The fighting. The distance. The thing one of you said months ago that somehow finds its way into every disagreement you have now.
We will talk about that. I am also paying attention to what happens between you while you are telling me about it.
Who explains. Who corrects. Who goes quiet. What one of you says and what the other hears. Where the conversation changes. What keeps getting pulled in from the past. What neither of you is saying.
That is often where we begin.
There is a direction to the work, even when the relationship does not follow a straight line.
Every couple is different. This is the progression I often use to understand both people, what is happening between them, and what needs our attention next. It is not a package you are required to complete or a predetermined curriculum.
Foundation
We slow things down and begin identifying what is actually happening between you.
Return
We meet again with more information and look at what has surfaced since we first sat down together.
Individual Perspective
I may meet with each of you separately to understand what each person is carrying into the relationship.
Come Back Together
We bring what we have learned back to the relationship and work differently with the patterns we can now see.
Reset
The work becomes increasingly specific to what this relationship needs and what both people are willing and capable of changing.
There is a roadmap. There is not a script.
I will not ignore what is happening in your relationship today because I had something else planned for the session. If there has been another discovery, we address it. If one of you has shut down, we look at what happened immediately before. If something you practiced worked, I want to understand why. If it did not, I want to know where it broke down. The direction remains clear. The work stays responsive.
The Foundation Session gives us time to see more than the presenting problem.
Your first session is 90 minutes because there is usually more to understand than the argument that brought you through the door.
Before we meet, I review the information you provide so we do not spend the beginning of the session covering things I could have learned beforehand. Then we sit down together and start sorting through what is actually happening.
If you arrive after another disclosure, we deal with the disclosure. If you are caught in the same argument you have been having for years, I want to see the pattern underneath the argument. If you are both talking but neither of you feels heard, we slow down what is being said, what is being heard, and what each person believes the other means.
You may hear me ask questions neither of you has been asking. You may also hear me stop a conversation while it is happening. That is intentional.
I am not only interested in what happened last Tuesday. I want to understand what happens between you when Tuesday gets discussed.
Sometimes I need to understand each of you without the other person in the room.
There are things people say differently when their partner is not sitting beside them. There may be fear, resentment, shame, uncertainty, information that has not been shared, or thoughts that have never been fully formed because so much energy has gone into managing the relationship itself.
Meeting individually is not about deciding who is right or building a case for one person against the other. I want to understand both people and the relationship between them.
Then we come back together with a clearer picture of what needs our attention.
I am active in the room.
I will slow the conversation down.
When what was said and what was heard have become two different things, we stop long enough to understand where meaning changed.
I will point out what I notice.
I may stop you, clarify something, challenge an assumption, or ask you to say something differently when I believe it matters.
I will not make the decision for you.
I will help you understand what would need to change and whether both of you are willing and capable of participating in that change.
You do not have to decide the future of your relationship before you understand the relationship you are in.
Sometimes people come to me hoping I will tell them whether they should stay or leave. I will not make that decision for you.
What we can do is get much clearer about the questions underneath it. Can this work? What would actually have to change? Am I willing to participate in that change? Is my partner willing and capable too?
Those questions deserve more than an answer made in the middle of another fight.
You will not leave with everything resolved.
You may leave feeling relieved, emotionally tired, hopeful, overwhelmed, or some combination of those things. That is one reason I do not expect you to remember every part of a 90-minute conversation.
Within 24 to 48 hours, you will receive a personalized written recap from me. It is designed to organize what we discussed, reinforce the most important things I noticed, and clarify what I believe needs our attention next.
When I believe there is more we need to work through, I will tell you and recommend when I think we should meet again.
Casey, my assistant, helps coordinate scheduling, payment information, appointment confirmations, and reminders so the administrative part is clear.
Clear expectations before we begin.
Understanding Ear is a private-pay coaching practice. Insurance is not accepted, and coaching services are not submitted to insurance for reimbursement.
Foundation Session
90 minutes, including intake review and personalized written follow-up.
Relationship Reset Session
90 minutes of continued work based on what is happening in the relationship and what we have identified together.
Recalibration Session
50 minutes when we need focused time to address something specific or recalibrate.
Sometimes the conversation needs more time.
I build flexibility into my schedule so we do not have to stop in the middle of something important simply because we have reached the scheduled end of the session.
When needed and available, a Foundation Session may continue for up to two additional hours. Relationship Reset and Recalibration Sessions may continue for up to one additional hour. Additional time beyond the scheduled session is billed at $200 per hour.
Payment confirms your appointment.
Payment is required in advance. If we select your appointment time together, Casey will follow up with your appointment and payment information. Your appointment is confirmed once payment has been received, and that session time is then reserved specifically for you.
Sessions canceled or rescheduled with less than 24 hours’ notice, or missed without notice, are non-refundable.
A few things that are helpful to know before we meet.
Clear expectations make it easier to focus on the relationship once we are in the room.
Do we have to commit to a package of sessions?
No. I do not ask couples to commit to a predetermined number of sessions before we understand what is happening. After Foundation, I will tell you what I recommend based on what I have learned. You decide whether you want to continue.
Will you meet with us separately?
Often, yes. Individual conversations can help me understand each person's experience more fully. They are part of understanding the relationship, not an opportunity to choose sides.
What happens if something significant happens between sessions?
Bring it in. The work is responsive to what is actually happening in your relationship. We may need to address something new before returning to what we had previously been working on.
Will you tell us whether we should stay together?
No. I will help you look clearly at what is happening, what would need to change, whether those changes are realistic, and whether both people are willing and capable of participating. The decision remains yours.
Do you accept insurance?
No. Understanding Ear is a private-pay coaching practice. Relationship Reset coaching is not psychotherapy or marriage counseling, and services are not submitted to insurance for reimbursement.
When is my appointment confirmed?
Your appointment is confirmed once payment has been received. If we choose an appointment time together by phone, Casey will follow up with the appointment and payment information needed to complete your booking.
What if our session needs more time?
I intentionally leave room in my schedule when possible so we are not forced to stop in the middle of something important. A Foundation Session may continue for up to two additional hours when needed and available. Relationship Reset and Recalibration Sessions may continue for up to one additional hour. Additional time is billed at $200 per hour.
What is your cancellation and rescheduling policy?
Sessions canceled or rescheduled with less than 24 hours’ notice, or missed without notice, are non-refundable. Your appointment time is reserved specifically for you, so please schedule a time you are prepared to attend.
Can we meet in person?
Yes. My office is in Peekskill, NY, and I work in person with individuals and couples throughout Westchester County and the Hudson Valley. Virtual sessions are available for local clients when getting to the office isn't practical.
Do you work with clients outside Peekskill?
Yes. Clients come to my Peekskill office from throughout Westchester County and the Hudson Valley. If getting to the office is difficult for a particular session, we can meet virtually instead.
What if we already tried marriage counseling or couples therapy?
You do not have to start over or pretend the work you have already done did not happen. Relationship Reset is coaching, not psychotherapy or marriage counseling. We begin with where you are now, what you have already tried, what continues to happen between you, and what may need a different approach.
You do not need to have your relationship figured out before we meet.
Foundation gives us the time to slow things down, understand what is happening between you, and determine what needs attention next.
In-person Relationship Reset coaching in Peekskill, NY, serving Westchester County and the Hudson Valley. Virtual sessions are available for local clients when getting to the office isn't practical.
