Resuscitating the Heart Left Fragile by Betrayal and Micro-Betrayals

By Vanessa Cardenas, Relationship Reset Expert, specializing in betrayal recovery

Serving Westchester, NYC, and the Hudson Valley Region In-Person and Worldwide via Zoom

Recently, I stumbled upon an old journal tucked away in a moving box relegated to the attic. You know the kind of box—moved from place to place, unopened yet saved. Forgotten in its contents but somehow too significant to discard.

Covered in a decade of cobwebs, I opened it. I wasn’t prepared for the wave of emotion it brought with it.

I thought I had burned all my journals long ago—a symbolic gesture of letting go of the past. Yet here it was, a time capsule from a younger me, filled with emotions I thought I had left behind.

The handwriting felt foreign. The pages overflowed with long narratives, bold black-lettered curses, and emphatic underlines punctuated with exclamation points. Anger spilled from every inch.

Reading it was jarring. Since feelings are the glue that hold memories, the anger and sadness expressed in cursive flooded me with memories, forcing them to the forefront for examination.

This wasn’t just a snapshot of heartbreak and confusion. It was a testament to how deeply I had buried parts of myself—not just in my childhood but also in the chaos of betrayal.

The Younger Me

The entries brought me face-to-face with the younger me—hurt by micro-betrayals, bruised by dismissive comments, and invalidated because my pain wasn’t deemed “big enough.”

Compared to the struggles of my terrified teenage parents or the hardships my grandparents endured, my own pain felt trivial. So, I convinced myself it didn’t matter.

Each time someone dismissed my feelings—whether it was others or myself—it left a quiet mark on my heart. Those tiny dismissals compounded over time, bruising a heart I refused to acknowledge as tender.

And then, there was the big one: “I’ve met someone.”

The Shift

Betrayal changes you. Triggers change you. Survival mode changes you. When my world shattered, I became a shell of myself. I ran—not physically, but emotionally—from all that could hurt me.

Reading that journal reminded me that my betrayal wasn’t an isolated incident. It was part of a larger story—one my younger self couldn’t fully articulate, though she tried. It was a story of quiet invalidations, unspoken pain, and unacknowledged truths.

Betrayal doesn’t just force you to confront the person who hurt you. It asks you to confront the ways you’ve hurt yourself—by dismissing your worth, your pain, and your experiences.

The Breakthrough

As I read those desperate, angry pages, I realized how much energy I had spent dismissing the “micro-betrayals.” But that changed when I began working with an incredible coach.

Through countless sessions, we unpacked all the betrayals—the big ones and the small ones. Slowly, I forgave others for invalidating my feelings. More importantly, I forgave myself for believing them.

In those moments, I saw her: the younger me, tucked away, waiting to be acknowledged. She wasn’t broken—just waiting to be brought back into my story.

Holding that journal, I found myself smiling—a strange reaction, perhaps, but one filled with pride. I had made it through to the other side of betrayal. Tears cascaded from my eyes, but they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of joy. I knew I had healed.

Embracing Wholeness

Now, I guide others through their own healing journeys—not just to forgive the monumental betrayals but to recognize and embrace the smaller ones. Forgiveness isn’t about erasing pain. It’s about acknowledging that your pain, no matter its size, is valid.

When I paused to honor my tender places, I stopped running from my fears and started embracing them. They became part of the whole, messy, beautiful me.

An Invitation to You

If you’ve experienced betrayal or heartbreak, I invite you to reflect:

• Are there parts of you that you’ve dismissed as unimportant?

• Are there tender places in your heart that you’ve tried to ignore?

• What would happen if you forgave—not just the big things, but the small things too?

My long-lost journal reminded me that even in the hardest moments, there was love, strength, and resilience. As I finally cast it into the fire, I welcomed home the younger me.

I am whole. I am at peace. And I look forward to more joyful moments—with myself and my husband.

Your younger self may be waiting for you, too. Go back and find her. Bring her home.

Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

As a Betrayal Recovery Specialist, I guide clients in Westchester, NYC, and the Hudson Valley—and worldwide via Zoom—through the aftermath of betrayal. Healing from betrayal is one of the hardest journeys you’ll ever take, but you don’t have to take it alone. Whether you’re just starting to pick up the pieces or searching for clarity, there’s a path forward that leads to healing, growth, and rediscovery of your strength.

Your story doesn’t end with betrayal — it begins with your decision to rise. You’re not alone, and healing is possible.

• Read: Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partner’s Betrayal — a compassionate guide filled with insights and actionable steps. Also available on Amazon for your convenience.

• Learn: Overcome the Devastation of Betrayal: 7-Day Course — a self-paced program to help you regain your footing and find peace.

• Connect: Schedule a one-on-one coaching session with me for personalized guidance tailored to your unique journey.

Your story doesn’t end with betrayal — it begins with your decision to rise. You’re not alone, and healing is possible.

As a result of working with me, individuals and couples reconnect, rebuild trust, and thrive after relationship challenges. Together, we revive meaningful connections and guide hearts from heartbreak into healing—because every heart deserves to beat with purpose again.

Next one: Betrayal and the Trap of Pain-Shopping: Breaking Free from the Cycle

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