The Sun Will Rise Another Day: The Emotional Impact of Betrayal on Discovery Day

By Vanessa Cardenas, Betrayal Recovery Specialist

Serving Westchester, NYC, and the Surrounding Region in person, worldwide via Zoom

Understanding Infidelity

For me, infidelity means breaking the trust that occurs when you keep intimate, meaningful secrets from your significant other. That’s what my husband did. He ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it repeatedly.

My Personal Journey

There’s no freedom in minimizing what happened this day years ago or in trying to forget, but remembering and honoring are very different from remaining stuck in shame, guilt, anger, resentment, or fear of the past.

I was neck-deep in the misery of my husband’s making. I was seething, raging, weeping, and wallowing in the sewage. I was completely unrecognizable, and he was too. At the time, the pain caused by his behavior just seemed too much for me to bear, let alone forgive, no matter how much I loved him.

Coping with Betrayal

I was sick from the emotional rollercoaster ride I rode non-stop for weeks while WTF continuously reverberated in my head. The movie of our 30+ years together played over and over again so I could look for clues as to why he did this to me.

Moving Forward

How do we keep moving forward in the face of betrayal? It required courage and lovingly accepting circumstances beyond my control. I had to learn that, although betrayal was done to me, it wasn’t about me.

With the wisdom of so many greats, I had hope. Hope allowed me to live in the present instead of the past and to unlock the doors of my mental prison, where I sentenced myself. The worst prison was the one I built for myself brick by brick, layered with his betrayal behaviors.

Finding Gratitude

Everything that’s happened to me, all the choices I’ve made until now, all the ways I tried to cope, it all mattered because it brought me to this moment. The ultimate key to freedom is to keep becoming who you truly are.

It’s been years. This day on the calendar still nudges me. I don’t refer to it as a trigger but rather an old hurt reinserting itself, a gentle reminder, as if I could forget.

I stayed. I chose to, and while some days are hard, it does get better.

I didn't walk away but chose to stay by his side, as he worked very hard to be a better man. Some choose to walk away. That's what they decided. That is what is most important: the right to choose, regardless of the choice.

I know he cheated. He knows it, too. I know how badly he hurt me and our children, as does he. I know that if it happens again, I’m gone in a heartbeat, and he is well aware.

Those are my boundaries, and with those firmly in place, I am accepting of all his efforts to rebuild. I do love him, and I do enjoy our time together. I will never forget, but I work hard not to let it be a thorn in my side each day.

I am grateful—odd to say it, but I actually am. Without this shove, I would still be who I was. I so love who I am now. As I help others navigate the sewers of betrayal, I shine the flashlight and show the way to possibilities for recovery. I reclaimed myself, I bounced back, empowered and resilient.

You Are Not Alone

You will find peace. You will figure out your worth and what you can take. And you will find out just how strong you really are.

All of this is to say that you are not alone. I am sorry that you have gone looking for specialized help like this, but I am also so grateful that you found me.

I have been where you are and I am on the other side with a map and a flashlight. Together, we will get you through all the feelings that you have because there are, and will be, many along your journey.

What's Next: Gaslighting and Trickle Truths: Unraveling Deception in Betrayal

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